Am i so abused i just cant think straight anymore???? what is wrong with me?

You are being physically and emotionally abused. He is manipulating you to make it seem like his anger and aggression is your fault. It's not your fault at all. I commend you for kicking him out, that takes guts. I know where I am, we have support agencies for people who are being abused. These agencies can help you. I am certain that there is a government agency that can help you and your baby financially. Get on to Google right now and look for these agencies in your area. Help is there, You just have to call. Your husband is a psychopath, and someone you and your baby don't need. If he ever choses to be involved, it should be supervised visits. And pursue child support. He probably won't pay but if he doesn't, the child support agency will hunt him down. But please, seek help and support. It is there for you and for every person who is in the same position as you. The Salvation Army is one organisation I hear a lot of great things about And who have helped people get back on their feet.